I just feel so annoying hearing this voice constantly inside me… my own voice, the silent voice inside me.. it’s there all the time.. I just need to come out with it, right now.
Sometimes I feel like I’m going insane hrrrrrrr and it’s not first time. It feels like decades since I last wrote my diary.. that’s why the voice in me is soooo overflooded.. since then .. up to this monent..more or less I havent had that much need to write the texts that might never be read by anyone in this world but myself.. I have written short notes.. I havent had time to write more.. or may be there has been no inspiration?? at all?
well, I’ve been chatting with this guy (who might be the reason why it is like what it is) everyday.. yes every single day.. almost , since our first chat like a year and 4 months ago. I ‘ve asked myself, if I’m just addicted to chat to escape from my lonely and boring life , or is it because I really need to chat with him everyday?? I just need to hear from him everyday. I was nice, very nice.. and it’s still is, until recently.. may be we ran out of words.. when we know it’s not gonna work out.. I don’t know about him… I feel like a fool..
It was real when he said he loves me, when I could hear his voice on the phone, when I listen to him playing guitar.. the miss, the love, the tears, the heartache, the hunger, the need..
suddenly it’s just gone, why did you take that away?? I know it’s gone, and it never comes back.. but I hope and I wish.. deep inside me I still do. My male friend told me, men only has strong feeling at the begining, when he knows he has won the girl’s heart, then it’s not so interesting anymore.. I never wish this could happen to this guy.
I never had a plan, to fall in love.. not with this guy.. but right at this moment I doubt, was it love?? why does it suddenly appear?? no actually not suddenly, I have tried for months.. is it really gone?? or may be when I go to bed, when I wake up in the morning.. I will still need to feel him besides me??
you’re not handsome , you havent treated me the best way you could, you’re not perfect.. but my feeling has grown. I dont know what you did.. But I know what you did, that make my love faded away.. I know it’s your plan, why did you do that??
why am I complaining about the love that lost? because love is so beautiful, so nice. It makes me smile it makes me cry it makes my heart ache. No love, I feel like dead. so gloomy, so dark, so boring.
I dont believe you could not do anything to make it work, if you really love me. I dont believe you can’t do better than this. I don’t believe you can sleep well when you know I’m hurt. I don’t believe you do love me from the bottom of your heart.. there’s no reason for me to feel sorry of loosing you, because you never want me that much.. you never try. what if I’m wrong, what if you do love me? if you’re actaully in pain of loosing me? but no I cant be wrong can I? if you do love me you wont make things so complicated for me. you wouldnt leave me here alone.
