Why am I the one to feel bad?

Everyone might have experienced this, lending money to friends. Yes, you know it well right?

I dont know why I am known for being so kind and so weird it seems like ppl believe I have alot of money. Why everytime it’s about money ppl turn their faces to me? Oh yeah I can tell you I hate lending ppl money. I rather give if I can afford it. I know it’s a nightmare when I need the money back, no one is gonna be able to give me bakc or to help me.. no one.

And why am I the one to feel bad because it’s time I need my money back? and ppl seems ignore it, and act like nothing happens? I’ve seen my mum’s nightmare, now I’ve seen mine. I want to swear, not again to lend money to someone. If it makes me an unkind person I would accept it. ohhh I am being selfish now? I dont know, but experiences has teached me so.

Now I have no more money to lend, but there are still more ppl who need. Why I never need anything? I dont know who i can ask if I one day need. Am I just being naiive or all ppl I know are just too poor? yes I dont know anyone who’s rich… lol or may be ppl’s need never ends.

I dont want more nightmares!